Genevieve Graham raised an interesting question on her blog:
Do men and women write differently when it comes to sex? Can you tell the gender of the author from the way they write?
She has posted five short exerpts (all describing the same scene) on her blog and invites commenters to tell her which was written by which gender. Check it out, it's interesting.
We don't have men in our critique group, so I can't really duplicate her effort. I do think men and women approach writing about sex or first encounters differently. Women are more inclined to get into the emotions of the characters, while men tend to have a more earthy, visual, approach.
I'm guessing the difference in psyche is also the reason why men often refer to romance novels as "mushy" – even if they like what they read. (Not many will admit they enjoyed it, and I don't know any man who would openly admit to reading – and enjoying – a romance novel. At least not in front of other men.)
I sometimes shove exerpts — even the whole story – at male friends of mine. While they know I write, and I even tell them I write paranormal romance, they're willing to just read and give me impressions.
I appreciate the feedback greatly, because if they tell me "Great read, but no guy would ever (insert action of choice)…" then I learn something no woman writer can teach me.
I get insight into the male psyche every day at work, because I'm the only woman here. While helpful in a caveman / MCP kind of way, if I wrote a guy the way they really behave, no woman would like my heroes lol.
Men think differently, act differently and have different values. It reflects in their language and use of words. I'm sure if a man writes romance, he finds it much harder to write for a female audience than a male one. I also think it will read differently.
I don't doubt men can (and do!) write romance, but it will not read the same as a romance written by a woman.
I'll be cruising back to Genevieve's blog to see if I got it right, when she reveals the answers. 
6
May
…hush hush hide away…
So how do you tell if someone is attracted to you — and why should you, the writer, know about this?
Body language is important, even in writing.
You can convey a lot, with just their posture.
The tilt of a head, the diluted eyes, leaning in a little… it all indicates attraction.
Long, lingering looks usually establish who dominates — and it's not always the guy.
Someone attracted to you will often nod along to your conversation.
The closer two people stand to each other, the better they like each other. Personal space is important to us, even if we're not aware of it. Get too close and we instinctively move away — unless we want you there.
A guy who is attracted – believe it or not – often struts. I've seen it. They straighten their backs, inhale, chest out… oh yeah. Just watch 'em stalk around. It's a primal instinct, they are probably not even aware they are doing it, but it's a way to portray dominance and strength.
Women are more likely to employ widened eyes and a coy smile.
Next time you're in a pub or bar, watch the men. Hands in pockets, back straight and a long lingering look… well guess what? They are saying "Lookee what I got (hands in pockets draw attention to the groin), I'm da man! I'm strong, able, available. It's all yours, come get it."
Widening of eyes is usually quite a submissive gesture, but it indicates "I need protecting and looking after." (Which is really attractive to the male of the species. See "I'm da man" above.)
Tilting the head is a means of exposing the neck and throat, vulnerable areas. I means you're putting trust in the other not to hurt you.
And when we like something, our pupils dilate. We generally find large pupils more attractive – not surprisingly, because if those pupils are dilated at us, it means they like us.
Take a look into body language, it can be useful when you're trying to make a shy character indicate they are interested, or it can play into the story when you don't want to make a song and dance about how they feel. Let them do the dance, instead.
14
Feb
First of all…
Happy Valentines Day.
As a romance writer, naturally I had to blog about it, but really, it won't be what you expect me to say.
I'm supposed to gush, and go all lovey dovey, I think. True love and all that… Well.
When I grew up, Valentines Day was about secret admirers, not about flowers and chocolates.
It was about sneaking an unsigned message to someone you fancied, someone you wanted, but who didn't notice you. It was about letting them know someone is in love with them, without telling them who. It was up to the object of your desires and fantasies guessing it was you, and declare they felt the same about you. (Or not.)
It was never about hassling your boyfriend/husband/lover to get you something special.
I sat at work the other day and two of the guys were having a discussion about what women expect. I heard my name mentioned and naturally I paid attention.
Turns out they wanted a woman's perspective.
I said I'm the wrong person to ask, because I really don't give a damn about Valentines Day. Couldn't care less.
There were two very stunned guys staring at me.
"What? Are you serious?" one said, eyes wide.
"Yup. It's all hype and forced and it was never about getting presents." I replied.
"Will you marry me?" one of them said.
I laughed and let them get on with it.
Seriously though, listenting to my colleague… wow. What has Valentines Day come to?
What good is a forced declaration of love? Isn't it something that should come from the heart, regardless of the date?
We don't bother with Valentines Day. No cards, no flowers, no chocolates. Nada.
I much prefer the way it works with us. My better half came home with a tub of meat salad once and I was totally over the moon.
There used to be a meat salad where I grew up, and I could never get it here. For him to find it, and remember that I like it, and get it for me means SO much more than any flowers on Valentines Day.
It means he was in the supermarket, and he was thinking about me.
Sounds trivial, doesn't it? But really, isn't that what we want? What does it say about our relationship when you remember little things, stuff that gets overlooked and forgotten, a gesture, a dish, a favorite scent? I've been with him for over twenty years — and he remembers a meat salad I used to like some 18 years ago.
He knows the things I like, I know the things he likes. So occasionally, when we see something and remember, we'll get it for each other.
Sod Valentines Day, seriously. Give me what I got any day of the year.
Think about it. Think about what your guy does without you asking him, think about the little things he remembers. That's how they show they love you, not with massive bouquets of flowers, red roses, a romantic dinner. That kind of stuff makes guys utterly uncomfortable, and they get really insecure and panicked by the prospect of "doing it wrong" on Valentines Day.
They don't forget, they know it's Valentines Day, they just don't know how to deal with it.
A pretty flower picked by the side of the road and brought home to you says much more than a dozen red roses on Valentines Day. (And who cares if the pretty flower is a weed. Put it in a vase and say thank you. Your guy actually picked a flower for you.)
Cut them some slack.
1
Feb
We all love a good hero. The more alpha he is, the more we love him, usually.
I'm partial to them, and most (probably all) my heroes are alpha males. That doesn't mean they are identified as such from the first page. Some of them are sneaky blighters and hide that alpha streak rather well. So much so, one of my critique partners (who always try to sneak off with my heroes) told me point blank she won't be fobbed off with "the gay one".
Oh she has NO idea. He may appear very beta in the book she saw him in, but in his own… oh my. There would be no mistaking him for a beta male. Nor would anyone think he might be gay. 
(Not that there is anything wrong with a gay alpha male, but I don't write gay romance.)
My heroes always come across as strong. I have to work hard at it so they don't overpower the other males in the story, because they like to dominate too.
Oddly, there is one of them who refuses to be cowed into taking a backseat when he crops up as a supporting character. All my girls want him, every reader so far wants him and falls in love with him.
I don't know why. I just know I have to keep knocking him back, because he likes to take over.
He's a toughy, but he has a sense of humor, too.
I've given him some not-so-endearing qualities — he's a womanizer, arrogant, presumptous, pigheaded, holds a grudge like you wouldn't believe — and STILL they are all after him.
He's no mouse, that's for sure. When he's around, you know about it, you sit back and take notice.
But is it so bad to have a hero who is a mouse?
Can't there be some beta heroes?
Do women not like a beta?
We do. In fact, if those alpha males in our stories were real, we would hate them. Truly and absolutely hate them. We'd loathe every aspect of their personality and character, while the beta gets the girl.
Odd, isn't it? We fantasize about the ultimate tough guy — but if he came our way and actually noticed us (he's likely too preoccupied with himself), we'd run screaming in the other direction. Or straight into the arms of that beta we don't want in our stories.
In real life, we'd have an affair with an alpha, but we'd likely be in love with a beta.
So there's hope for all the beta guys out there. Yeah, your girl might drool over that alpha hero in her novel… but she wouldn't swap him for the real thing.
Maybe for a day.
God help any alpha male who runs into an alpha female. Their egos will most definitely clash. It'll either end in tears (his, most likely), bloodshed (his, most likely) or there will be a dead body at the end of it. (Yeah. His.).
It works well in a story, where you need conflict.
Real life?
Take it from someone who didn't put up with crap from an alpha male: Not so much.
I think he learned the concept of "I am woman, hear me roar" rather quickly — and the hard way.
It didn't last. We were both too stubborn and too set in our ways to compromise with someone so much like us.
Gimme someone I can compromise with, any day.
(I have the greatest guy already, but damn… I do miss the arguments sometimes!)
My conclusion?
Alphas make for great conflict-driven writing – but I wouldn't want to live with one.